Inside Me
by ILoveJorja
Summary: Sara and Grissom internally explore their feelings for one another. Not really a story; two internal monologues.


**Summary**: Sara and Grissom internally explore their feelings for one another and their sexual chemistry, in alternating POVs. Not really a story, but more of two internal monologues.

Rated T.

**Disclaimers:** You know the drill. If the CSI writers didn't leave so much to the imagination, you and I probably wouldn't need to fill them, but it sure is a lot of fun to try.

**INSIDE ME**

I'd always had an inkling that once Grissom figured out what to do about "this" it would be incredible, Sara thought. What I didn't expect was that the consummation of our love would be this...mindblowing. Our first time was fiery and explosive. Our second was slow and gentle and passionate. And all the times since? Beyond words. Beyond all the adjectives in the English language, surpassing every term in every thesaurus.

Once I let myself to love her and show her and be with her, it was like a dam had burst, Grissom thought. I can't get enough of her! She is my addiction, my magnet, my missing half, my best friend, my every dream and fantasy come true. Just looking at her, touching her casually, even just thinking about her arouses me in seconds. There is so much I have to make up for, all those long lonely years of denial, of painful celibacy, of locking my heart away and breaking hers.

Who knew that this stoic entomologist had such passion? Such untapped treasures of sexual skill? Grissom gives me pleasure in every sense of the word. Finally feeling the reciprocated love and desire alone is heavenly. He arouses me with a smoldering look or a few words or tender touches. Our lovemaking brings me to a new place of joy and pleasure and satiation. When we are together the world dissolves around us, until we are inside a bubble that is ours and ours alone. I feel cocooned when I'm with him, adored and protected and safe. I relish the opportunities to give him pleasure too, to hear to his moans and groans and panting words of exalted ecstasy. To watch the expressions on his handsome face as he nears and experiences his climax, to look at the straining muscles in his neck and shoulders and arms, to see the rapid pulse in his throat as he fights to hold back his own until my orgasm blinds me with intensity and floods my entire body with fire and bliss.

Just being able to touch her, to be allowed and welcomed to do so, and that her touch is welcomed and cherished as well? It is heaven. Never have I felt such pure and total happiness. That she is breathtaking beautiful, that her body is a wonder and it fits my own like it was created just for me...I am so deeply grateful. Her voice gives me a rush of desire. Her eyes are filled with love and lustful passion when they meet my own. Her kisses are as varied as the colors of nature; sweet and tender, hot and demanding, languid and dreamy, comforting and deep, soft and slow...it makes my heart fill to bursting with the love I have for this incredible woman. The days and nights I have left in life are not enough to show how much I love my Sara.

Ah, Grissom. My Grissom. Such a complicated, enigmatic man. A man that intoxicated and bewitched me since we first met a decade ago. I'd known on some deep level that he would not be an easy man to love. But in every way I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame; intellectually, physically, emotionally, spiritually...on every level he inspires me.

I learned his walls were solid, that his heart had been broken badly, and the fact that he was a middle-aged bachelor meant that he cherished his privacy and solitude and entrenched ways. I learned he loves so much: the intricacies of nature, the perfection of insects and their behavior, the quest for truth, the desire for justice, the thrill of experimentation, the satisfaction of mentoring and teaching...he is so talented and able in so many ways. He loves science and knowledge and beauty and gentility and the classics of literature. I will never stop learning from Grissom all the rest of my days.

I also learned that inside he is soft, vulnerable and afraid. Inside he is a boy, like most men are. But this boy was abandoned by his father and crushed when his stepfather died, all before his tenth birthday. He had to be the man of the house before he could finish his childhood. He was so often alone, with only his thoughts and silence around him. His mother taught him old fashioned values and acceptance and thoughtfulness. Grissom's role models were stoic heroes like Gary Cooper and Roy Rogers and Clark Gable. Without a father, he made himself strong and resilient and brave, but he also put on a mask of rational emotionlessness. Only his eyes betray his true feelings. His studied indifference is exasperating, but it serves the purpose of making us do our jobs well. He tackles every situation with fierce intensity, is incredibly attentive and observant, but he can also be brusque and demanding and enigmatic and hard. All that makes him who he is. He feels an innate responsibility to cherish women, to protect the young and weak and vulnerable, to respect those who are different, to stand up for what is right, and to be a good man in every way.

It has been a journey to learn Sara. The qualities I was drawn to when we first met have not dimmed with time. She is brilliant, lovely, resourceful, charming, funny, talented, adorable, fearless, mature, intuitive, good, passionate, true, and so much more. I am always astounded with her ability to find and read evidence, embrace difficult subjects and theories, solve cryptic codes, or make leaps of logic that leave me in the dust. She moves with grace and handles people and evidence with innate ability. She has the face of an angel and the heart of a lion.

Sara's childhood was brutal and short. All the pain and violence she experienced could have made her cold and hard, but instead she has incorporated that trauma into a kaleidoscope of sweet joy and strength and openness and love. Her mind freed her, along with her gritty determination to surpass ignorance and fear and cruel abandonment until she commanded respect in every way. Sara can make friends easily, match wits with anyone, flirt with ease, deflect unwanted attention with gentleness, charm the socks off all who cross her path, curse like a sailor and be one of the boys, all the while retaining her own identity and femininity. When she is caught up in a case she will forego even the most basic needs–food, sleep, comfort–until she sees it to a satisfying end.

She hides a deep pain but also has incredible faith and resilience. Sara despises fools, brutality, and dishonesty, resents spiteful authority, and can be stubborn or sullen or sad. The depth and range of her emotions can be baffling, but I am reminded that men will never truly understand women. Sara can also be too trusting, but I hope she never loses that. She has been betrayed and hurt so often in so many ways but she will never be defeated. She is inspiring. Just the way she was so faithful and patient all through my moodiness and mixed emotions and disbelief that she could really be in love with me? It boggles my mind.

Grissom is a riddle, a puzzle I was compelled to solve. I had to wait, to ease his insecurities, endure humiliation and pain to show him how much I loved and desired him, comfort him when he was lost or frustrated, maintain our friendship, stay strong when he feigned indifference, demonstrate complete professionalism and skill to keep his trust--but it was all worth it. It was worth it to reach this plateau of bliss. To know that the love and trust and respect we have is as strong as steel. He is handsome and witty and sexy and wise and a natural leader. He doesn't let people in easily, but when he does, they can trust him with their lives. He is my best friend. He is my rock, my teacher. He is my truest love. He makes me glow. Unlocking the key to his heart was the best thing I've ever done. I am inside him and he is inside me.

Her beauty is enchanting. Her intelligence is fascinating. Her loving and giving heart is inspiring. Her sexual attractiveness is intoxicating. Her scent, her taste, her touch, the sounds and sights of her in the throes of passion make me want to please her all the more. Her empathy, which all too often I have dismissed, makes her work exemplary and gives comfort to victims and families that I can only admire. Her dazzling smile brings me to my knees. Her laugh lifts my spirits. Her strength and honesty make me want to be a better man. Her confidence and skill and ability make me proud. Her gentleness makes me humble. Her love makes me whole.

**THE END**

Okay, I'm an incurable romantic. Who knew? Tell me what you think.


End file.
